I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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