Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was born a porn star she said
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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