Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
