it wasn't lemon gatorade
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
