Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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