Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize