been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
