Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
