That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
