my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
