Can Purell be used as lube?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
