don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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