i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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