Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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