i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize