sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
