Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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