i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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