Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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