You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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