New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
soo... how was my night?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
