when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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