I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
