Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize