She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
