you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
PANTIES FOUND
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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