WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
