Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
