I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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