dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
