I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just google imaged poop.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
