Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
