I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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