operation have a gay friend backfired
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
