That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
