i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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