listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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