It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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