she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
