forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
