Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.

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(713): View more from Texas

I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.

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(863): View more from Florida

There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.

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(515): View more from Iowa

I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.

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(330): View more from Ohio

WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"

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(619): View more from California

Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV

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(480): View more from Arizona

Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.

(308): View more from Nebraska

The strangest confirmation message ever sent.

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