I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
