She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
