I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
