She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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