I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize