I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
