...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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