Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize