from now on my penis is your penis
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
