speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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