So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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