Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
