brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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