dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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