the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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