giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
