I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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