so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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