it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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