I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
