We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
