I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
