i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
