so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
