I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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