Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
