i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
