how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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