My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
